An anxiety attack... Really?

Today is the day. Today I get my implants replaced. Mom and I stopped by Starbucks to get my coffee fix, (Chai Latte, yum.) We left early and traffic was good so we hit the White Marsh Mall for a little shopping. We usually do this afterwards but I was not sure how I would feel after the procedure.


When we got to the hospital we had a little time on our hands so we headed for the gift shop. On the way we went passed the flower store. They had their Christmas decorations up already. What caught me off guard was not the decorations being up so soon. (It was, I mean come on, it's not even Thanksgiving yet.) It was the fact that I had little anxiety attack.

On December 24th, 2007 I had my second surgery, which to be honest was not a pleasant one. My mom got me a little Christmas tree and some flowers then too. Seeing the flower decorations today brought it all back like I was living that day all over again. I blogged about it and you can read it here. I was taken back as I have been back to this shop countless of other times, even around this time of year. Never an issue. Guess it's funny how the mind works.

Mom did not see my face and I am glad for it. I am sure I looked like a deer caught in the headlights of a car. The sudden surge of fear only lasted for about 5 seconds. Then... it was over.

Weird.

Almost Time

Two days and counting. I am starting to get a little excited as I always do before surgery even though this is minor in comparison to my past ones. So it should be a walk in the park. Should be.


My appointment is for 1pm, so I will leave my home in the morning. Traffic is hit or miss. But I always give myself some cushion, time wise. You just never know, especially in the Baltimore area.


I called the doctors office today to go over what I may need for my upcoming procedure. As expected I got their voice mail. I did leave a message and was pleased to hear back from them in a reasonable amount of time. Usually they take days. I was told that for the procedure I would not have to be put under. They would give me local anesthesia. So I could “drive home” afterward. Personally I don’t know how I can drive home after something like this since my drive is about 3 hours but I guess time will tell. Mom is coming with me so that will be a comfort. Well, to a point as she does not drive at night.


Guess there is always the Marriott Waterfront Hotel. Really, it’s a nice hotel and I highly recommend it.

In one week, back to Hopkins

Next Thursday I will go back to Hopkins to replace the one implant that they took out in the last surgery. I finally feel that things are moving forward, which is good. But for some odd reason, I feel worried.


I think I feel this way as it has been such a crazy process. From the infections, to the implants being taken out, to the doctor leaving, every step forward seems to be a few steps back. I hope nothing will go wrong and I am thinking positive, but …


The good thing is that I did find Dr. S, (HAZZAH), who will do my prosthetics. He recommended going back to Hopkins to get the implant replacement done and then we would take it from there. I will have to wait 2 -3 months for my mouth to heal and then we can proceed with putting “caps” on top of the implants. Then I would have to wait another few months before they can do the cast of my mouth and then….. TEETH! So, I will not get my teeth for Christmas as I hoped but if all goes well I will get my teeth for July.


Whether the insurance company will pay for it I have no idea, but I will deal with that when it comes up. Thankfully, to date they have paid everything. I could not visualize going through this process without some sort of insurance to help. I really feel for the people who do not have insurance. I am luck in the respect.


So here is hoping all goes according to plan. Fingers crossed.

I did it!

Today, I ran my first 5k. I ran it at 35.07. Not bad for a girl with one fibula. This is such an accomplishment for me. A year and a half ago I could not walk. I was very happy that my ankle did not hurt. I was worried about that as I would get pain every now and then. Guess my mind was focusing on the race and just finishing it. At least that is what I told myself. So for anyone who had a Fibular Free Flap Reconstruction and think that they will never be able to run again (or in my case, start) rest assured you can. It just takes time.


I don't know if I will continue to run races, but I must say after I was, I felt great. Tired, but great. At the very least I can run two miles to keep up the endurance. Maybe I will try biking next.