Its been just over a month since the 2nd surgery. I am still swollen under my chin and on my right side of my face where the reconstruction took place. I find myself at this point wondering when all the swelling goes down...What will I look like.
With any type of surgery on this magnitude there can be some type of facial deformity. I can already tell that my bite is different. Will my face/new jaw line be bigger or smaller? Will my swelling go down to where I look "normal"? Will I recognize one side of my face and not the other?
I am already waiting with anticipation to see if the paralysis of my lower lip will go away. That is what the Doctor said can take up to 3 months. Well one month gone, two to go. I sometime have trouble talking which might be related to the lip or the fact I am missing 5 teeth. My lip, my speech, my face. Does not bode well for my dating life.
I have never been a huge party person or found the need to go find a man to make me happy. I date but that is not a priority. That was my choice. I find now even if I wanted to, especially if things don't change, what will I look like? Who will want me now?
Yes, out of all the stuff I have been through this is what I worry about. Face it, we live in a society where appearance matters. I know I am lucky. I know it may not be that bad. But that thought is there, in my head. I have to wonder... what will I look like? Will I see me?
And my answer is: I don't know.