Friday, January 25, 2008

What will I look like?

Its been just over a month since the 2nd surgery. I am still swollen under my chin and on my right side of my face where the reconstruction took place. I find myself at this point wondering when all the swelling goes down...What will I look like.

With any type of surgery on this magnitude there can be some type of facial deformity. I can already tell that my bite is different. Will my face/new jaw line be bigger or smaller? Will my swelling go down to where I look "normal"? Will I recognize one side of my face and not the other?

I am already waiting with anticipation to see if the paralysis of my lower lip will go away. That is what the Doctor said can take up to 3 months. Well one month gone, two to go. I sometime have trouble talking which might be related to the lip or the fact I am missing 5 teeth. My lip, my speech, my face. Does not bode well for my dating life.

I have never been a huge party person or found the need to go find a man to make me happy. I date but that is not a priority. That was my choice. I find now even if I wanted to, especially if things don't change, what will I look like? Who will want me now?

Yes, out of all the stuff I have been through this is what I worry about. Face it, we live in a society where appearance matters. I know I am lucky. I know it may not be that bad. But that thought is there, in my head. I have to wonder... what will I look like? Will I see me?

And my answer is: I don't know.

1 comment:

Mark said...

My wife has just been diagnosed. Her jaw will be completely removed and reconstructed from parts of her shoulder blade and hip? Just got the news yesterday. First impressions are always about the face but relationships are built on more than that. The most attractive feature of any human being is their attitude and behaviour - it's also the only thing we have control over. Tough as it will be to deal with, it's not going away. I'm devestated for my wife and 3 kids (youngest is 7weeks old). But she's alive and that's precious. The important thing now is how we all handle it. I guess our task is to accept our lot in life and be happy (much as we want to cry). Nobody likes a misery guts. So work on that smile, difficult as it seems right now - life is full of surprises... good and bad.
Take care.