Monday, December 31, 2007

I am afraid.

Cast is off. Drain on my leg is gone. I finally got to see where they cut my let. For some reason, I thought they would cut in the back of my leg. But the incision went in on the side, from just under the left side of my knee to just above the left side of my ankle. There are staples going up and down where they cut. The sight of it is quite bizarre. You could see the purple pen mark where they placed where they would take part of my skin to do a skin graft if needed be/ Thankfully they did not need it.

With the cast off and my leg wrapped the gauze comes physical therapy. I have a walker which was given to me so I have a little freedom to move around. The I really only hope around. I can place just the slight bit of pressure on my left foot. My foot feels so weak that I am afraid to walk on it. That and it takes such a great deal of energy I get quite fatigue quickly.

The nurses and my PT rep advised me to walk around the wing for exercise. The PT rep would walk me around the wing and few times to get use to it. But the best thing she did was to had wheels to the bottom of the walker. Which let me tell you changes everything. I almost felt free and for the next few days I felt very confident with the walker. Mind you if I had been sitting for a while and try to get up I would have to reacquaint my foot again to the pressure of walking. It was not quick. But I think the best part was the I could go to the bathroom without the aid of nurses or assistants. Ah freedom!

When it came to take out the staple in my leg I was quiet apprehensive. I was afraid that it would hurt a lot and with the pain I have been though both physical and emotionally I wanted to avoid it at all cost. But to my surprise it was just a pinch. They took half the stitches out one day and the other the next.There was a little bleeding but not enough to frighten me. Though my mom had to leave the room when they did this. Bless her. The nurses placed some medical closure strips to help the wound close up and then wrapped the leg gauze.

Of all this what scared me the most was the day I would walk with out the walker. I got so used to it that it almost felt like it was part of me. The PT staff was there in case something happened to me. In fact when she asked me how it felt I replied, "SCARED". I remember crying in my room after the first time out of fear. But I knew I had to do this sooner then later so I would practice a little in my room from on corner to the next, always having something to grab onto encase I lost balance. Which did happen a few times but the worst was in the bathroom. I lost balance to bad I almost fell. I did grab the handle bar in time but my left foot landed in such a way that it caused me great pain. Stupid girl. But with time and patience I would be ok. I hoped.

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